All posts by CoffeeNerd

Starbucks Holiday Cups

The 2015 Starbucks holiday cup design controversy is a perfect example of why humanity is doomed.  If our collective peaceful existence on this planet is conditional on a corporation placing messages on it’s products that satisfy the specific religious dogma of a *single* group, we are screwed.

If they put Happy Holidays on the cup, people would scream.  If they put Merry Christmas & Happy Hannukah & Happy Kwanza, people would scream.  Starbucks did the right thing here by actually not doing anything.  But, are we so completely far gone as a society that we demand public companies not only support, but visually show they believe the same things you?  What the fuck?!

Remember, Starbucks owes you nothing…unless you walk in and buy something; in which case, they owe you exactly what you purchased, and nothing more.  Service with a smile and a welcoming atmosphere is simply a bonus and something they do to increase return visits and pad their bottom line.  You are not “Joe” to Starbucks as a company.  Do you think they hand out free shit to gold loyalty members because they like you?  Hell no…add up the 30 purchases you made to maintain your gold level, and see how much that “free” item actually cost you.  You are a statistical dollar amount to the company…that’s it.

Now, here’s the best part.  You are perfectly free to NOT purchase their product if you dislike the company or their method of conducting business.  In fact, that’s what you should do.  Quietly take your self somewhere else that puts bible verses on their cups and start buying coffee from them and enjoy your sanctimonious narrow view of a life.  But, when you start screaming that Starbucks hates Jesus, the ONLY thing you do is give Starbucks free publicity and more business and make yourself sound like a raging lunatic asshole.  Making the person behind the counter write Merry Christmas (as your name) on the cup is just a childish, self-serving act of ego.

Get a life.  And, while your at it, learn about coffee and stop drinking Starbucks product because it’s crap.

I have become “That guy”.

Full confession…this entire blog is really fueled by the desire to capitalize on just a small fraction of the projected $13.6 billion the specialty coffee industry is projected to make in the coming year.  But, how to do it?  How to actually get a slice of that pie?  My initial idea was just get a web page up that ranks high enough, throw a Google ad on the page, and sit back and watch the Ad Sense revenue roll in.  That’s fine in principle, but not as easy in practice.  SEO is not a simple game (despite what the copious companies who claim to specialize in it would have you think).

But, I actually stumbled into a reasonable set of keywords on one post (not the one I thought would work), and, shockingly, it is sort of working.  But, then something happened.  I actually started to want to make better coffee for real…not just talk about it.  I wanted to get a taste of the experiences I’ve had in Europe here at home.

I started visiting the local micro roasters near my house (and anywhere I traveled) and talking to the head roaster.  I stopped buying coffee from anywhere that I couldn’t see it being roasted.  I bought a decent grinder.  I bought a budget espresso machine.  I was happy…for about a month.  I quickly outgrew the budget machine and went on the search for a “big boy toy.”  That landed me with my current machine.

Then I got a bug up my ass.  Buying these specialty beans was not cheap.  Yep, greed again was the motivating factor.  If I could roast the coffee myself, it would save a tremendous amount of money AND give me a high quality product.  So, I started roasting.  And, then a funny thing happened.  Everyone that came over to my house said the coffee I was serving was the best they’d ever had.  I’d been telling people for a while already that Starbucks was shit.  But, now I had a product (cold, hard, tangible item) I could actually give people to back up my ranting.

But, during this time, I was only ever trying one thing.  Espresso.  So, what happened next?  Yep, I tried appropriating various items around the house to duplicate brewing methods I’d read about.  I started to roast some single origin beans to see what that was all about.  I actually tried cupping.  You can read my rant about that later.  I still think there’s a better way to do it, and really, if you are evaluating a coffee, it should be evaluated in a way that will resonate with the end consumer.

The result of all that?  I bought an Aeropress.  I bought a Hario v60 with “Range Server”.  Really…I got that fancy looking glass carafe thing?!  I bought a fancy, snooty, fucking hipster gooseneck kettle!  What the hell have I become?!

Jumped Up Little Germ Logo

I’d started a coffee company in my head.  So, let’s just roll with it.  I needed a name and logo…because you know…I need to start a company right now.  So, Jumped Up Little Germ Coffee Roasters was born.

But, it didn’t stop there.  No.  Now, I had to try to invent my own brewing method.  I had to have something unique.  Yes, my blends are good, and my roast profiles are great (and unique).  But, if Todd Carmichael can create a $400 kit for coffee science than so can I.

But, where to start, and what to focus on?  How about my total annoyance with the process of cupping and it’s primary problem…no one drinks coffee like that.  And, the Dragon?  Normal people aren’t going to spend $400 for a think that looks like aliens made it…they are happy with a $30 Mr. Coffee from Amazon (notice no link for you here…if you are that person…you can do the Amazon search for yourself.)  Again, I started raiding various household items…which now included some industry standard coffee gear.  What could a normal person do to produce a top notch, hand crafted cup of coffee and go full tilt cheapskate?

OK, I’m going to get one thing out of the way here.  The grinder is something you CANNOT cheap out on.  It is the one piece of equipment you should spend money on.  Do it right, and it will last you forever AND stay with you as you upgrade other parts of your brewing.  If you want to cheap out, that’s on you.  I’m telling, you here and now, don’t.  At least spend the $80 to get a Capresso Infinity.

Now…grinder problem solved…to brewing.  Cupping does have one thing to offer…it’s immersion brewing.  So, you get craploads of body (like a French Press or Aeropress).  But, it’s dirty…there’s grounds left everywhere…you can’t really drink the cup.  A French Press doesn’t stop brewing after you plunge…the water is still in contact with the coffee.  An Aeropress fixes the sludge problem, but it’s $29.  I’ll take for granted you have a coffee mug hanging around…cost to you – 0$  Oh…and a spoon…you probably have one of those too.

Filter brewing gives you a really clean cup.  You might even have a bunch of filters lying around.  If you don’t, they are dirt cheap…take your pick.  More than a hundred is like $5 (that’s 3 cents or less per cup in case you were counting).  But, get LARGE ones…

So, in theory combining these two methods, gives us a very clear, crisp full bodied cup.  Sounds good to me…let’s try it!

  • Boil some water…I don’t care how…use your fancy hipster gooseneck kettle if you have one, but just boil the damn water.
  • As the water is boiling, weigh out 15gr of coffee.  Don’t have a scale?  Use two level scoops of beans with the scoop that came with the last can of instant coffee you bought (those scoops are about 7 grams).  Don’t have one of those?  Use a baking tablespoon measure and use two of them.  Don’t have measuring spoons?  Buy a scale…you’ll thank me later.  I fact, buy the scale anyway and start using it.  It’s $16 and will make everything you do repeatable.
  • Take your mug and fill it half way with hot tap water.  It actually does make a difference is the mug is warm…so don’t skip this step.
  • Take one paper coffee filter and fold it into a cone shape…flatten it, fold it in half, then in half again.  If you can’t picture that…you can find anything you YouTube.
    • If you want to be extra hipster here, rinse the filter under running water.
  • Your water should be boiling now.  Shut it off.
  • Grind your coffee at a medium coarse setting.
  • Dump out the water in the mug, put the filter in the mug, and put your ground coffee in the filter.  The filter should be sticking pretty high out of the mug even though it touches the bottom.
  • Pour enough water into the grounds to get them wet, and stir a bit with a spoon.  If you are using a scale…50gr of water should do it.  Start a timer.
  • After 30 sec, slowly add water being careful not to let the filter slip all the way down into the mug.  Fill it most of the way up…just make sure you have enough filter sticking out that you can grab it.  If you are using a scale, aim for about 280gr total weight.  Stick your nose down there and smell the brew…it’s neat.
  • At the 3 min mark, stir it up, and then lift the filter out of the mug, and let the coffee drip completely out.
  • Toss the filter wherever you like to toss such thing (ground coffee is really great for your garden) and enjoy your hand crafted cup of coffee made with nothing but a cup, a filter and a spoon.

Now, if you are a coffee geek, and have an Aeropress and a Hario v60 lying around…well.  Do the brew step in an inverted Aeropress.  At the 3 min mark, dump the brew into the v60 to filter.  If you want to make more than one cup, use two #3 range servers…brew in one, and filter into the other.

An Open Letter to Illy about their T5 JFK Location

This is the second time I have been to this Illy location, and now I’m pissed off and angry (for you guys).  The people there are completely clueless and are giving you a bad name.  The first time I visited this location, the person (I won’t use the term Barrista) was on her phone the entire time and the place was filthy, and it was clear she had no idea what she was doing.  The latte was not drinkable.

This time (this morning 10/5/2015), was just ridiculous, and again, undrinkable.  This place has your Artisti Del Gusto designation.  That is supposed to be the pinnacle of Illy quality.  So…
When I walked up, there was a portafilter with a tamped puck sitting on the drip tray.  I have no idea how long it was there, but that is what was used to make my latte.  The shot seemed to pour about right, so the grind was o.k., but, the result did not taste right at all.  After meeting Dan (your VP of Business Dev I think) at the NY Coffee Festival last week, I know what a shot of Illy is supposed to taste like.
Now we move on to the milk and drink construction.  The lady just dunked the steam wand into the milk and fired up the steam, and just left it there until milk bubbled over the top of the pitcher.  Now, as you might imagine, not only was the milk texture totally screwed, but it was scorched and so hot it could burn a customer.  I don’t require latte art, but the lady just dumped the scorched milk into the cup like it was a soda or something.  There was no care at all.  This was just an airport worker that wanted me out of the line as soon as possible.
You guys need to send someone out here pronto to save this location.
Daniel

3rd Wave Coffee – Taking Light Roast Way Too Far

After attending the New York Coffee Festival yesterday I had what I will call a revelation.  The so-called 3rd Wave Coffee singular characteristic is really light roasts…that’s not the revelation.  The theory is that you are better highlighting the varietal of the bean by applying less roast character.  That’s great in theory, but even the best Ethiopian Yirgacheffe will taste like shit if it’s under-roasted.

So, is this 3rd wave movement going too far?  I think so.  You would think that 2nd crack is a criminal offense the way these people are acting.  Now, don’t get me wrong, the way Starbucks treats 2nd crack is criminal and results in bitter nasty crap.  But, some beans just simply work better at darker roasts, and ALL beans need to reach a proper roast state to taste good.  But, so many people these days seem to be completely afraid of even a medium roast.  And, at the festival, I tasted several under-roasted examples from people that were really proud of what they had done.

So, why the fad?  Who started this, and why is it persisting?  And what exactly does “medium” roast mean anyway?  Making coffee is part art and part science.  And as with all endeavors, constant improvement is what makes it worth pursuing in the first place.  But, it seems like we are in a massive over-reaction to Starbucks now.  People have forgotten the goodness that lays in between the extremes.    Let’s take a look at the Starbucks spectrum:

Starbucks Roast Spectrum
Starbucks Roast Spectrum

It should be totally obvious the beans on the right are flat out burnt.  Now, let’s look at these three basic roasts as the SCAA defines them:

SCAA Roast Spectrum
SCAA Roast Spectrum

It’s not perfect apples to apples, because the SCAA samples are ground, but it’s close enough to make the point.  What SCAA calls “moderately dark” is what Starbucks is calling “Blonde”.  WTF?!  How is that even remotely possible?  The answer is simple.
There really is no standard.  The SCAA putting Agtron numbers for color in a book, doesn’t really mean shit.  Do you see “blonde” on the SCAA chart?  And, isn’t “blonde” really like super light yellow (think hair)?  Roasters can call their roasts whatever they want.  If it’s the darkest they are willing to go, then it’s “Dark Roast”.  And, it seems that Hipsters have single handedly taken this whole light roast thing off the deep end (or is that the shallow end?) in the name of “promoting complete bean development.”

What is the result?  Majorly acidic coffee that isn’t really enjoyable.  Really, all you’ve done is created the polar opposite of Starbucks.  But, as is often the case, the extremes, at both ends of the spectrum, are not good.   Brewing a good cup of coffee really hasn’t changed in, well, forever.  Yet, people still actively seek out ways to screw it up, and then charge $5 a cup for it.

So, I issue a challenge to all the Hipster roasters out there.  Roast a batch so dark it makes you uncomfortable and let people try it.  If you really are a good roaster, you wont have to worry about even coming close to a Starbucks “dark” roast, and I’ll bet the taste will surprise you.

New York Coffee Festival

I was really looking forward to the New York Coffee Festival ever since I saw an alert for it in my Google news feed.  I was not disappointed.   The coffee samples were plentiful, and representation was there from giants in the industry to the small folks just starting out.  It was great to see even footing for all, and New York has one hell of a coffee scene going on right now.  Yes, Starbucks had the largest display in the event, but their display was not even close to the most visited.

The barrista challenges were quite fun to watch, although I wish the announcers would have talked less, and the barrista mics were on more.  I could see them talking to the judges and wanted to hear what they were saying.

A highlight for me was the La Marzocco booth.  They had a bar where different roasters took turns showcasing their signature coffees.  But the real fun was the demos of the new Linea Mini machine.  This is a “home” machine, but really it’s just a scaled down version of their signature cafe machine…it’s even NSF rated.  But, what good is a home machine if you can’t try it?  So, they had 3 machines out there and let anyone interested pull shots and steam some milk.  The machine really is quite amazing, but the price tag is pretty steep at $4495 (given the price of a GS3, this is a steal).  It’s not as programmable as the full commercial version, but it’s more than up to the task.  It was a blast playing with it.

This was the first time the event has been held in the US after several turns in London and Amsterdam.  I have to believe this will be back next year, and if so, you should go.  You don’t have to be in the industry to have fun.  You just need to be a fan of coffee.

Preground Coffee in Starbucks!

The only drink in Starbucks that isn’t just downright awful is a Blonde Roast pour over.  But, guess what?  They pre-grind the coffee and store it in a little container.  So, yep, when you ask for a Blonde pour over, you are getting stale crap.  That’s just really pathetic.  They fresh grind all the espresso based drinks, but they screw those beans up in the roaster.  The one chance they have left to redeem themselves, and they screw that up too.  At least all those iced teas I got (unsweetened) got me a free food item.

A perfect shot of espresso

A perfect shot of espresso
A perfect shot

A perfect shot of espresso with my “Trunch” blend.  This blend is Brazil, Mexico, Sumatra and Costa Rica, and it is exactly what I want in a shot.  There’s abundant bittersweet chocolate and roasty nuttiness, and the Costa Rica gives it a nice little kick at the end.

The roast profile is a Diedrich style slow start/fast finish with 1st crack hitting at about 11min, and roast finishing just at the start of 2nd crack at about 14min.

Yes, you can do this at home too.  Screw Starbucks.

AeroClover – Clover Style Brewing with the AeroPress

So, you like the result of a Clover brewed cup, but you don’t want to spend $6000 on a machine?  Oh yeah, Starbucks bought Clover and you can’t buy one anyway.  Well, you are in luck because you can replicate the process with a sub $30 device.

Chances are you have an AeroPress, or at least have heard of it.  It’s probably the cheapest coffee brewing device out there and it makes a seriously good cup of coffee.  If you don’t have you really can’t loose much by picking one up.  There’s many different ways to use the AeroPress.  The “inverted” method is quite the rage right now.  I happen to use the inverted method because it makes less of a mess.  According to the latest stats on the World Aeropress Championships, about 50% of the people use the device the way it was intended…so you can make a great cup either way.

But, there’s another way you can use the AeroPress, and it simulates the Clover style brewing method.  So, if you are willing to possibly make a mess, watch this.

FreshRoast SR700 and Roastero

When I started home roasting with the FreshRoast SR700, it was for two reasons.  First, I realized that even though I had started to buy really great beans from local roasters, it was expensive.  I looked, and a pound of very good green coffee is about $5, and a pound of good roasted is anywhere from $15 to $20.  So, by roasting myself, I save big bucks.  Second, I am able to get exactly the coffee I want when I want it.  I roast on demand, and never have any wasted coffee.

So, I decided on the FreshRoast SR700.   It’s computer controlled, and that’s too geeky to pass up.  But, a friend had an SR500 and recommended that.  So, after some research, it really did look like a great way to start at home.

Now, enter Roastero.  After I started roasting, I joined the FreshRoast Facebook group.  There’s over 100 people there comparing recipes and sharing advice on the FreshRoast SR700 and SR500.  Then, I see a post from 2 college kids that are writing an open source program to control the SR700.  You better believe I jumped on that invite.

The stock SR700 software lets you save lots of steps, but you still only have control over 3 heat levels, and 9 fan speeds.  It’s pretty flexible, and produces fine roasts, but it’s still sort of limiting.  Roastero on the other hand uses temperature targets for each step.  You can actually build a real roast profile.  This software takes a really good machine and makes it a great machine.  The roasts you can do with this level of control are incredible.  The only nit is that the software is still using those 3 heat levels, so it toggles back and forth between them to maintain a given temperature.  That is a limitation of the hardware.  So, the resulting curve is not smooth.  But, the average of the result works out fine.

I am able to create profiles that put 1st crack anywhere I want it.  I can produce nice even light roasts, or dark roasts with a roaring 2nd crack, and they are all nice and even.

Here’s a quick video.

We’ve Got Gear!

julg-coffee-black

We’ve created our own brand called Jumped Up Little Germ.  It’s shirts and mugs for true coffee geeks.